Just for the Record...

It has been brought to my attention that the deep and sometimes darkened nature of my posts has left a shadow of unbelief that I am indeed a happy girl.

I apologize if it seems as though it has become a "complaint board", because that was never and will never be my intention. I struggle...plain and simple...and have yet to find a solitary human being here who has enough of my confidence to voice my struggles to and to feel assured that whoever that may be will jack me up when I need to be jacked up or hug me until I can breathe again.

Therefore...just for the record...I am indeed a happy girl. More often than not, I simply choose not to blog about rainbows when I would rather blog about the rain.

I really am sorry it's been so stormy here...I feel a rainbow on the horizon.

Unrecognizable

Yesterday, God broke me down by shining a light on the mess I've made. Without getting too intimate and for lack of a summarized explanation, I will simply say...I feel as though I've lost my influence in one of my friendships.

In an attempt to "go with the flow", I compromised myself and in the process became an accomplice to the unwise decisions my friend has decided to make.

So, now I'm standing in front of the mirror and I feel unrecognizable. Here's my question and one I probably won't get an answer to until I just trial and error the situation...how do you get your influence back in a relationship when the other person finds comfort in that loss? I mean, I know you can, but I fear I'm in for a whole heck of a lot of pain, you know?

Yesterday, I realized my friend was at the bottom of the ladder and pulled me down pretty fast from the top. But in the aftermath, as I am still unrecognizable, tirelessly searching for my cloak of spiritual strength, wanting to hide in it's warmth...God decided to meet me at the bottom of the ladder to help me get back up.

As I finish this very revealing post, I ask of you one thing...that you of like mind and faith would tell me when I've become unrecognizable...

I miss accountability...it aches in my soul.

Dang Song!

Okay, so she kissed a girl and she liked it...but I still really like her cd. Of course, I'm referring to Katy Perry. If you haven't heard of her, I'm assuming you've been hiding under a rock, because her single, "I Kissed a Girl", is number one on the charts right now.

That stupid song...I hate it because I don't agree with it morally, and yet it's so freakin catchy that I keep singing it....ahhhhhh! This morning, I heard her on Kidd Kraddick, whom I love, so I decided to listen to her entire album. It's sassy and humorous...likened to Lily Allen minus the british accent.

I like it...the whole dang thing.....judge me if you will, but listen to it first. The other 11 tracks are fun and besides, I know you caught yourself singing it the other day in the car!

Julie Andrews...will you sing this for me?

So, Emily and her friend, Holly, had the idea for a handful of peeps to blog a list of ten of our "must-haves" or as Julie Andrews would say...a few of my favorite things in no order whatsoever.



1. my sketchbook
my secret passion...something I've been doing since I was 5 years old...i hide in it sometimes to remind me of me

2. crosswords
I know, I'm a grandma...but I'm preventing dementia by doing so, and I'll be laughing at you all when you can't remember anything...ha suckas! Oh, and I do them so often, I only use pen.

3. guitar hero
and Rock Band for that matter, but the former will always be my first love cause' Amy Cooper and I go crazy over "One" by Metallica

4. felicity
If I were an addict, Felicity would be my drug of choice. It's gotten me through some hard times and I'm proud to say I've watched all 4 seasons completely through at least 5 times...yeah, that good!

5. movie popcorn

I don't even know how to explain my obession with this one...here goes. Popcorn is my favorite food...I'd eat it all the time if I could and I've been known to eat it as a meal on more than 100 occasions. My mom also shares this crazy passion...we love movie popcorn so much that we used to go to the movies, buy popcorn and leave just to have it at home:) (and yes, I put up Keri Russell from Felicity eating popcorn)

6. rhapsody

I have reason to believe Rhapsody kicks itunes in the face and other unmentionable parts. It keeps me connected to all things musically delicious.

7. the elliptical machine

keeping me bootylicious since 2004

8. iced coffee

from anywhere...Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, McDonalds...it's amazing!

9. the straightening iron
I no longer have to wash my hair every single minute thanks to this little puppy.

10. post-it notes
Oh, you little color-coded emulicified keepers of my thoughts!

Quarter-Life Crisis

I'm completely convinced that our 20's will be the most difficult time in our lives. I'm a little over half way through them and it still feels like the heartache, loneliness and confusion remain victorious in their relentless pursuit to beat me to an emotional pulp.

I'm also convinced you can't avoid it...you simply have to cling to the hope that Christ will simply get you through them and on the other side with an increased amount of self-realization.

So, in order to remind myself of that far-off outcome in the midst of the chaos, I decided to write some notes to my future self, which you actually can do at FutureMe.org...just type em' in and set a date...here's one of mine...

Dear December 12th Future Me (6 months away),
Remember 6 months ago when you moved to Dallas, because you hated Lubbock, but then totally ended up hating Dallas too? Well, bask in all that is good now, because you know you totally love it now. Just remember from here on out that no decision you make on your own is a poor decision.

You better be in a better job or at least have tried super hard to get one. You also better be admiring your Charlie Brown christmas tree you didn't put up last year during another seemingly large crisis...unemployment. Now, see you got out of that didn't you?! Remember to buy mom and dad something really great for Christmas since they basically snatch you out of danger with their crazy grace everytime you decide to take a leap without looking.

Start packing for your super-sweet New Year's Vegas trip and please remember that you are prone to addictive behavior...try not to do anything that future future you wouldn't like, but have a kick a@# time! Tell everyone you love that you really do...it's worth it.

Yours,
Jacked-up and confused present April

Likened to a Snarling Dog

So, you know how I told you vaguely how I met this stranger at my apartment complex who was ready and willing to take over my lease? Well, he backed out!

This happened a little over a week ago, but I wasn't sure I was ready to blog about it...the anger may have come out in words too inappropriate for your dear eyes. I guess now I'm ready. Long story short, I'm screwed. Okay, maybe I'm not fully over it. I had already signed a lease at a new apartment by the time he decided to back out on me. So, now I'm stuck with a big fat breaking my lease fee...I won't even tell you how much it is...it might hurt your eyes more than the inappropriate words I was talking about using.......yeah, that bad!

The reason I decided to share is because twice in one day, I heard the following phrase..."Well, it just goes to show that you can't trust ANYONE". In the heat of moment, I think I nodded, but I got to thinking...what makes someone such a cynic?? Then I got to really thinking...am I a cynic? Sometimes I know I am. Sometimes I wish I were...just to make me a little harder...a little less sensitive...a little less trusting.

I looked up the word cynic and my favorite definition was "resembling that of a snarling dog". It made sense to think of quite possibly the most loyal animal on the planet becoming angry and totally distrusting. That's a cynic. That's what happened to this world...no one trusts anyone anymore. What ever happened to "my word is stronger than oak"?

I don't know...maybe I should have been a cynic in the apartment scenario. But, I don't want to be likened to a snarling dog, no matter how much money I have to pay for believing in the good nature of human beings. Maybe that makes me naive...gullible even...but...

...isn't that what it's all about anyway? Giving someone else the confidence that you believe they can be better than they've chosen to be and still believing in them even when they choose not to?

That's the Gospel suckas...straight up love and grace!

Moobs

Today on the MSN home page, one of the little subtitles was "Tips to Getting Rid of 'moobs'". I laughed so hard my "landles" hurt......love handles;)