The Week in Short Blurbs

Every now and again, when I journal, I write down one sentence explanations for stories that will ultimately be better re-told from my mouth or re-envisioned in my mind. They are such crazy stories that written word could do no justice, simply because they need my animated ridiculousness paired with it. The following is such a list...

1. Drove to Ft. Worth alone to meet people I didn't know (and who could have possibly turned out to be crazy) to sell the four-legged chocolate love of my life of four days...
2. In an irritated trip to the apartment office to break my lease after 3 months, met another irritated resident who is suprisingly willing to sublet my apartment...
3. Freaked out for 24 hours from giving a stranger my apartment number and phone number...what was I thinking?!
4. Made my future roommate, Amy, come over to spend the night just in case I needed a witness to my death, because the strange other resident was coming over...
5. I'm still alive and so is Amy, although it was a little touch and go...

Zoe has a new home and Amy and I are going apartment shopping on Sunday...my parents would so not be proud of my trusting ways...

Zoe...my 4 day gift!

Here's a story about a silly girl named April who bought a chocolate lab on Saturday and who is interviewing her potential families this evening...Tuesday...4 days later!! Now that I look back on it, I really don't know how it happened. It was all kind of a blur...excitedness, fear, confusion...all running together in the moment.

The funny thing is that I thought I was ready...like, really ready. I had been thinking about it for months, even before I moved to Dallas. Monday night, I took her, Zoe, on a long walk and when I came back to the apartment, somewhere between cooking fajita meat and heating up rice, I just lost it. I broke down for the first time in a long time...I haven't cried in months...

I left and took her to a friend's house to get some perspective. I realized very quickly that I can't do this...have a puppy...wake up at 3 in the morning...sacrifice my time for her. It was the weirdest realization ever, because it was so not how I thought I was going to react. I love animals...I mean I used to want to be a vet.

I tried to figure out why it was so hard. It wasn't her...she's doing great...potty training, listening, sleeping in her crate...I just wasn't ready to be unselfish. I'm still trying to accept the fact that I'm not ready to give up my freedom...my nights out with friends till the wee hours of the morning...my sleeping through the night...my super clean house. It's been a rough 2o hours for me, but God showed me some pretty big things in the midst of it all.

1. As much as I wail about baby fever, I'm not nearly ready to be there.
2. I make too many decisions based on emotion.
3. I bought Zoe, because I am unhappy, sad and lonely and I thought she could change that, but I've got some conversations to have between myself and God about why I'm really unhappy.

It's funny sometimes how God uses very simple and innocent things to illuminate your deepest struggles. So, I'm counting Zoe as a gift, no matter how sad I am that I couldn't be what she needed. Pray I find a good family for her.

Till next time...
apes

Hanging Up My Wings?

I'm bored...flat out, undeniably bored. Everyday I go to work and have interaction with only one other person, my boss. Then, I go home, make a meal for one, workout, read, watch a little tv and then go to bed. I wake up the next day and do it all over again...5 days out of the week. Of course, there is the off occasion that I actually see a friend during the week, but even then, it's usually only once. Weekends are the complete opposite, flooded with interaction and every day during the week, I long for the weekend...not much different from every other person on the planet.

If you're reading this, you know I'm the social butterfly...the epitome of the extrovert. I mean, my love language is quality time, for crying out loud. I've been thinking alot about my job and if it's really worth it. Is it worth not developing friendships all day?...Is the fact that I don't have a commute canceled out by the fact that I don't have co-workers to banter with?...Am I losing my influence, because I have no one to influence all day?...Am I destined to hang up my little social butterly wings?...Or is it enough of a sign to get out?

I don't know...maybe everyone deals with this...but I can honestly say I've never been so lonely in my entire life. And you'd think I'd be good at this growing up an only child and all, but I'm having a heck of a time...

I'm not asking for an answer...I just like to vent, electronically......

Till next time...

Dreaming of Corn

Last night, I dreamt that McDonald's started serving Indian corn instead of french fries. I'm talking about the corn that you color pictures of in Elementary...the kind that comes in different colors that you stick in your cornucopia...yeah, I was furious...seriously, who wants corn with their chicken nuggets?!

Anyhow, I looked up some stupid dream interpretation thing...just for fun...and it said that to dream of corn signifies growth, abundance or fertility.......whatever! I'll let you know if that pans out...for now, I'm going to get me some big fat nasty french fries! I never knew how much I loved those golden, delicious, grease-saturated sticks of goodness until they were threatened to be replaced in my subconscious....

Oh, and FYI, you can totally order a "Bucket o' fries" at McDonald's?!? It's not on the menu, but if you ask for it they give you a biggie biggie size cup full of fries...it's freakin awesome!!

Ode to the Trash Chute

I sing to you oh metal encased, odorous hole
carrying old receipts and other various waste
down into your deep and daily darkened soul
and gobbling up whatever is offered without haste.

I love your little OPEN button so red
and how when I kick it hard with my worn shoe
your cold steel mouth descends ready to be fed.

I especially like how on our most recent visit
you decided to provide me with some comic relief
when you pulled my phone into your stinky pit
and filled me with overwhelming grief.

To your surprise, I had to meet you face to face
3 floors below just to see if I could get it back
sorry about reaching into your stomachy place
but, my dear trash chute, stealing my phone was super whack!!

Confessions

1. I'm obsessed with Jane Austen

2. I am now obsessed with The Jane Austen Book Club, a movie about people who are also obsessed with Jane Austen..."All Austen all the time!"

3. I currently have a warrant out for my arrest in Lubbock county...gosh, I need to take care of that ticket...note to note to note to self.....don't worry, it's not as bad as it sounds. I basically just have to pay it:)

4. Sometimes I eat chips and queso for dinner

5. I like to go to the movies to pick up movie popcorn and take it home

6. I've gone to the movies at least 15 times by myself...one time I went to see a really scary movie and I was the only one in there the entire time. It was pretty freaky.

7. I like to go work out so I can watch cable...I usually plan my work outs around The Hills or Rob&Big or America's Next Best Dance Crew. I owe my sore calves to the NCAA championship game...thank you overtime and go Kansas!!!

8. I haven't vacuumed my apartment in over a month, because I don't own a vacuum...gross, right?

9. I'm thinking about buying a dog today...before I have a couch or a blender or plates...who needs rational thinking anyway!!!

10. I have baby fever...don't worry, I'm not gonna go steal one. I always say that if I'm not married by the time I'm thirty, I'm having a baby out of wedlock. I know what you're thinking...April, just adopt...but, that takes one other thing I've never done out of the equation and I need that too. I'm only half kidding of course...I'm sure Daniel James Cooper is the only reason I want a baby...he's so adorable! Think I'm gonna stick with a puppy!

"Columbus-ing It"

So, you know how small dogs usually think they're bigger than they are and pull the overcompensating yapping thing? OR how single young professional women puff up their independence by swiftly swinging in front of the guy on the street so they can open the door for themselves? Well, that's me in a nutshell! If I was a dog, I'd be a chihuahua...and I "accidentally" open all of my own doors on an hourly basis...and I'm fessing up to it.

I guess my "small dog complex" came along pretty much when I reached my max height of 5 foot zero freakin inches. The independence came a little later, more towards my junior year of college...the part where I had never gone on a date...that'll shake some independence into you!

So, thanks to the shortness and the boyfriendlessness...I am the Apes that you have come to know and love...the girl who skydives because she's bored, the girl who moves her queen-size sleigh bed all by herself because she's too prideful to ask for help, and well, you can fill in the rest...

I'm never really aware of these combo-characteristics until they get me into trouble...and here comes the story. Thursday, I was bored, which is usually how my adventures begin. I've been eyeing a park behind my apartments for the past couple of weeks and decided to "Columbus it"...my made up word for exploring:)

I found a nice, little, pavemented walking trail and began to stroll behind a cute litte brown-haired gal with her baby...it wasn't doin' it for me until I saw this faint patch of beaten down grass to the left. It was a nature trail and so of course, I took it...in my shorts and my ankle socks...soooo dumb!

Everything was going great...you know...birds chirping, a nice river to the left, ducks, lots of forest.........a freaky rustling to the left...nowhere to run or hide! I totally froze and saw the fattest nastiest black snake ever slither into the water. I thought I peed my pants but, I didn't have time to check so I just cussed internally and ran like a banchie! And that my friends was my Thursday evening...

I think I might let someone open a door for me this week.......